Processing
by filesfreak4life
Summary: A little more of an in depth into Lorelai and what has been going on this season. LL love of course!
1. The Look

As Lorelai sat in her bedroom half-listening to Rory, her mind was doing somersaults.

"Mom, what's going on with you?"

"Nothing…"

"yeah, right…I don't believe that for a second. You've been in this funk since a few weeks ago, and you won't tell me what it is about. Obviously something happened. Have you at least told Luke?"

"No!" she practically shouts, not meaning for it to come out so harshly. "I mean, I don't want to bother him with anything else, he's got so much that he's dealing with right now with this whole April thing."

Rory was quiet for a few minutes, while carefully studying her mother. _The curse of this crazy mother-daughter bond is that I can usually figure out what's going on in her head when she's upset about something, and I can usually tell exactly what she wants to do about things. Run._

"Mom, you know that Luke loves you, and you know that this is a passing thing… this awkward thing, right?"

"How do you know?"

"You can see it in his eyes, the look that he doesn't let anyone else catch a glimpse of…"

_The one with no judgment, love, admiration… yeah, I know the look Rory, I know it well…at least I thought that it did._

"I know. I just need to process some stuff, is that okay? Can I do that?" she says so quietly that it nearly scares her daughter.

"Yeah, I understand…I do."

"Thank you." she says, standing up and pulling a quilt from the chair in her room to wrap around her. She started out the door, ready to go downstairs when she is stopped by the voice of her daughter.

"Mom?"

"Yeah Rory?"

"I've got a lot of stuff to do this weekend, and I was gonna stay here, but if you want…"

"No… stay. It's okay."

"Alright…You know where to find me."

"I'll be on the porch." she says finally, pointing in the general direction of the downstairs area.

Sitting down, she gets comfortable, ready to process. Staring out into some unknown space, she starts to think of things…she starts to think of the beginning.

_FLASHY FLASHY_

_If they don't take me, I don't know who will._

"Excuse me, can I speak with the manager?" the young girl says confidently after walking up to the counter and placing the sleeping infant's car seat at her feet.

"Well, I'm not the manager, but I'm the owner… will that do?" the older woman says, turning around smiling, and trying to lighten up the serious mood the younger girl obviously came in with.

_Don't crack a smile… she'll think that you're childish…then you're screwed, cause you've got nowhere else to go Lorelai!_

"I suppose that you do the hiring at this establishment then?"

"Why yes, I do, but I'm sorry… I'm not hiring right now."

"Well then do you have any extra rooms?"

"I believe that we have a few, yes… can I interest you in one?"

"Since you would just have wasted space with a vacant room, can I bargain with you?"

Intrigued by the girl that stood before her, Mia came around the counter to size Lorelai up. "What did you have in mind young lady?"

"I need somewhere to stay, but I don't want your charity…my parents have awarded me the "privilege" of not having to work a day in my life and I'm sick of it. I'm willing to work for room and board until I can find a job that will allow me to be able to support myself."

"That seems like a reasonable offer… would you care to step into my office for a moment?"

Lorelai offers up a moment of a surprised look on her face as she takes in what the older woman has just said. "Yes, that's fine."

"My name is Mia, and yours?" she asks, offering a hand to the young girl to shake.

"Lorelai."

As they start to walk over to Mia's office, Lorelai is suddenly struck with panic when she realizes what she was about to forget. _Man kid, it was easier when you were inside me cause I couldn't forget you anywhere! _She turns back to pick up what looks like some bags and a coat.

"Oh, you can leave your things right there."

"I…I would actually rather not if you don't mind."

"Lorelai, one thing that you will quickly learn about this loving, small town, aside from the fact that the locals are a bit crazy, is that you don't have to worry about anything in Stars Hallow."

"I would still rather keep-" she was interrupted by a squeal coming from the "coats" placed on the floor. _Well, she was going to find out eventually. Let's get the judgment over with._

Walking over to the pile, and picking a coat off of her daughter's car seat, she grabbed the now-awake girl and brought her over. "I'd rather keep my daughter with me."

_Well, that explains the maturity of this girl, and the confidence. She has a daughter…a daughter… and at such a young age too. _"And what is her name?" she says, leaning down to tickle the baby.

"Lorelai… well, I call her Rory, but her full name is Lorelai."

"Well, that is fresh! A woman naming the baby after herself!"

"Yeah, well, I can't decide if it was the closet feminist in me or the Demorall that caused that one, but I'm pleased with the outcome."

"As you should be! She seems like a wonderful baby…" Mia trailed off, entranced by having a baby around her again.

_There goes this arrangement. I thought that I had proven myself at least enough to get a place to stay for a while, but now I'm sensing a big but coming along._ "…but I'm guessing that this wonderful place doesn't need a screaming infant laying around, and I'm sure that the guests are going to think wonderfully that the youngest employee on your staff, a teenager nonetheless is the mother of said baby. Well, I'm sorry for my obvious bad choices… I'll be leaving now."

_Wait… I don't understand. I didn't even think any of those things._ "Lorelai, can I ask you a question?"

She stops in her tracks and turns to face the woman she has just met. "Yes?"

"Was it a mistake… getting pregnant?" she asked, fully prepared to get another earful, but wanting to see how she would take such a comment.

She moves the coat covering the seat in her hand over to reveal a warmly nestled baby starting to fall back asleep. "Could I ever call this a mistake?"

After looking down at her baby, she covered the seat up again and turned for the door as Mia turned towards the desk.

"Lorelai, your room is upstairs, not outside in the rain. You should be up and ready to work by eight. Rory can certainly tag along while you do some work until she gets big enough to need some daycare, and then we'll worry about that later."

_What? She said that I had a room…she said that I started work in the morning… she said that I could keep Rory with me?_ She turns to face her again, and walks up to the front desk, where Mia appears to be busying herself with papers. After grabbing the key that was obviously being set out for her, she stands there for a minute, waiting to meet the eye of Mia once more. _I just want to see that look one more time. I've never seen that look before. _Mia looks up with a smile, and for the first time all evening, Lorelai allows herself to smile back. _Love, a warm heart, true kindness. I don't see judgment or pity or accusation, and it is the first time that I have ever seen that look._

Taking her bags up the stairs, she gets into the room and surveys her surroundings, taking it all in. She sets Rory, still in the car seat, on the bed and gets out of her wet clothes, putting on some fresh pajamas that she had brought with her.

After doing a short bathroom routine, she comes back to look at a now awake baby, and smiles down at her. "Man, kid…we've got a lot ahead of us."

Sensing the attention, Rory smiles up at her with a look that could melt anyone's heart, which it does. Lorelai's smile turns to a sad one as she looks down at her daughter. "Rory, I promise you that you are always going to be number one on my list, no matter what. I don't know what I'm going to do, I don't know how long this lady is going to let us stay here. I know that Grandma and Grandpa's house was nice, warm, and you always had new things waiting for you, but I don't want that for you…" she pauses, realizing that it sounded bad, but not realizing that Rory couldn't really understand what she was saying anyway. "…no, I mean, I want you to have all these things, but not that way. I want you to have more than me. I want you to grow up to be an amazing woman who knows how to stand on her own two feet, who is educated, who…well… isn't my mother. So, I'm apologizing now for leaving them, for leaving that comfort, but I had to…for me and for you. I will try my darndest to get you everything that you ever need or want… that is my promise to you."

The one thing about these old inns is that the nighttime is always so quiet. If anyone makes any noise, you can hear everything, which in some cases ends up both humorous and embarrassing. However, in this case, as Mia stood outside of the room of this new girl, it was good. She didn't know if taking this girl and her daughter on was such a good idea, until she heard Lorelai talking to the baby.

Lightly, she tapped on the door. "Lorelai, it's Mia."

_Well this will be good…two minutes after she gives me the room she comes up to find me crying… yeah that's going to look great to the new boss there Lorelai. _Wiping her eyes, she walks to open up the door, and she is met with the same look from earlier.

"Yes?"

"Well, I don't let a guest go to their room without eating! Have you and the little one eaten anything this evening?"

"No, actually, we've been a bit busy."

"Well, then come down to the kitchen and I'll take care of getting you some food."

"I would greatly appreciate that Mia, thank you."

_FLASHY END_

_Wow…that was sooo long ago. I was so young, so brave. _She thinks these things while shaking her head. _Why can't I make sense of things? Why can't I tell Luke what happened? Why can't I admit to myself what happened? Why am I waiting for him to see me again? I thought we were past this awkwardness. I thought that we were on our way, and then April steps into the picture… and then…UGH! I don't want to think about this._

_Okay, so this is going to be a kind of weird flashback look into some stuff that I think they need to do on the show. I would love to understand more of what goes on in Lorelai's head, so I'm writing about that, a more private Lorelai look. I hope that you all like it, but I don't know where it's going to really go, and what memories I'm going to include, but it will be interesting hopefully! Read and Review… let me know what you're thinking. I've got the first few planned out in my head, but that's it._


	2. The Right Person

As she finishes this line of thinking, her eyes catch the Chuppah made for her so many years ago. _The Chuppah. He made me a chuppah. I thought that maybe it would get another use out of it after Sookie's wedding…wishful thinking. I can't believe he made me that chuppah, and even when I was getting married to another man._

_FLASHY FLASHY_

_I can't believe he made me a chuppah._

"So…uh…I'm gonna get goin' I just wanted you to have this."

"Luke, this really means a lot to me…it's beautiful."

He shyly smiles in that Luke way and a small tint of blush creeps up to his cheeks as he walks to the driver's side of his truck.

"Bye Luke!"

He sticks an arm out the window to wave goodbye and leaves her standing underneath the chuppah.

Looking around at all the intricate designs on her "present" she starts to contemplate this whole wedding thing. _If you find the right person. That's what Luke said…if you find the right person. Is Max the right person?_

She turned away from the chuppah to perch on the steps where she and Luke just had the conversation that's causing her brain to overload. _I called Christopher at my bachelorette party. I don't try on my wedding dress. This weekend seems just like another random weekend…but I'm supposed to be getting married._

Her gaze fell to the ring on her left hand, as she began twirling it around in contemplation.

"Mom?" Rory calls from the door.

"yeah, hun?"

"What is that?" she says pointing to the chuppah in front of the house.

"A chuppah."

"Okay, I'm thinking those are Jewish."

"I know…but it's my wedding present."

"From?"

"Luke."

"Luke made you a chuppah?" she asks, getting up to examine the gift given to her mother. _This took him a lot of time. All of this woodwork is hand done._

"Yeah, he said that he had some time, so he thought of me and Max and made it for the wedding."

"Wow, it's beautiful!"

"Yeah, it is…"

Rory comes to sit next to her mother, putting her arm around her and leaning on her shoulder. "I'm excited for this weekend, are you excited?"

"Yeah, I am, really excited" _God, I hope that was convincing._

"I'm glad…" sitting up and looking at her mom, "well, I should get the rest of that homework done if I'm going to be partying it up."

"Get to it then missy!" she says back to her from the steps with a smile and a shake of her finger.

Watching her daughter walk away was hard for her, because she knew something was wrong with this whole plan. _I don't know if I can do this. Is he the right person like Luke said? Is Max who I'm supposed to be with for the rest of my life? How can I be with someone for the rest of my life when the first night they sleep in my house…correction…our house, I have to crawl in with Rory? God, Rory…I can't do this to Rory. No, I can't do this to Rory._

She stands up, determined to get these second thoughts out of the way, knowing that she can't let Rory down. _People CAN evolve together, they can. He might not be the perfect guy for me or even me be the perfect girl for him, but we do care for each other a lot and I'm sure that we will evolve together. _She nods to herself, desperately trying to convince herself that marrying Max was a good idea. With a last glance back out to the yard, she slumps back against the house, feeling tears coming to her eyes.

_I want this to happen so bad, but I can't. I can't be for sure that he is the right one…I don't know if he is. I don't want to do this to Rory though. What good mother would put her kid through this? How am I going to deal with Max? I have to tell Max…I can't do this._

She walks quietly in the house to grab the cordless phone, and situates herself back on the porch. Wiping a tear from her cheek she dials the familiar number.

"_Hello?"_

"Hey, it's me…"

"_Well how is my lovely bride to be?"_

Looking up to keep the tears from starting, she answers "Max, I have to talk to you about something."

"_You're not going to tell me that you're standing me up at the altar are you?" _he says with a small laugh that makes her stomach drop.

She can't say anything after that comment… she can't joke back…she can't lie to him either.

"_Lorelai? It was just a joke…are you okay?"_

"Max, you are probably never going to forgive me for this, and I don't think that I am ever going to be able to fully explain why I have to tell you this, but I can't do this."

"_What do you mean this?"_

"I can't marry you Max, and I can't begin to try to explain why, and I wish you wouldn't ask me, but I can't do it" a small sob started to escape as she told him her thoughts, laying her heart out to him. "The ring will be in the mail tomorrow…I'm sorry."

"_Lorelai, I don't…"_

"Max…I just can't."

"_fine."_

She hit the button on the phone before she could hear the dial tone of him hanging up before her. As the phone fell from her hand, so did the tears. They came quickly, not wanting to end, and as she finally wiped her last tear she stood up. _I've got to get out of here, and I have to do it now. I don't need the questions, and I don't want the gossip. I want gone…now._

Making sure her face was clear with a check in the mirror, she walked into Rory's room. _I can't believe that I'm going to do this to her._

"Pack!"

_END FLASHY_

_And here I go, contemplating doing the exact same thing. It wasn't me this time…well, not totally me at least. Luke has always been there for me, no matter what, so us getting married felt like it was a given…we were meant to be together, and he would always be there, just like he always had been. Always._

_FLASHY FLASHY_

"Mia, I'm really sorry, but Rory's got something wrong with her, I can't make it in."

"_Lorelai, that's fine…you need to focus on Rory for a while…that's okay. Call me with an update."_

"Thanks Mia." she finally says, hanging up the phone.

She creeps her way over to Rory's room, peeking in to see her sleeping daughter covered in what she can only think were chicken pox. _She's never sick. I mean a cough here a sniffle there, but she's never been really sick before. I can't do this. What was I thinking…raising a kid by myself. I can't handle a sick kid…I can't do this!_

After a bit more tossing and turning, Rory started to call for her mother, "Mommy! Mommy!"

Rushing in, Lorelai found herself sitting at the foot of her daughter's bed. "yeah, sweetie."

"I'm hungry."

"Okay, well, what do you want hon? I don't think that we have much here, but I can get Babette to watch out for you while I run to Luke's."

"Mashed Potatoes."

"Mashed Potatoes? And?"

"With butter and a little bit of cheese too…"

"Mashed Potatoes is all that you want?"

"yes?" she says, questioning her mother because of her odd reaction to her request.

"All right. You sit tight and don't scratch and I'll send Babette over okay?"

"Mommy, it's okay, I'll just sleep, you don't need to bother Babette, I know where she lives."

"Are you sure?"

Her only response was nodding before curling up in bed again for another short, uncomfortable nap. Lorelai took this sleepy opportunity to run out the front door and over to Luke's.

"LUKE!"

Mr. Grumpy himself showed up to greet her at the counter. "What'll you have."

"Can I have an order of Mashed Potatoes with butter and a little bit of cheese to go please?"

"I'm glad to see that you've added vegetables into your very well-rounded diet." he says with sarcasm in his tone.

"Aren't we Charlie Chaplin with all the jokes…they're for Rory, and can you hurry up please?"

He turns to yell the order back to Ceasar and then turns back to Lorelai with a confused look on his face. "Isn't she supposed to be in school?"

"Not when she has the Chicken Pox she's not."

"Aw, man, how is she?"

_Wow, the diner man has a soul, he's asking about Rory! _"She's itchy and scratchy, but she'll be okay."

After a few more minutes of small talk, the mashed potatoes were ready, and Lorelai was out the door.

As the days went on, Rory's Mashed Potato craving could not be stopped. Every day she was at Luke's asking for the exact same thing. She was tired and Rory was still trying to get over the illness. When she didn't show up for the dinner hour to grab Mashed Potatoes, Luke figured that she got hung up doing something else, and decided to take them over to Lorelai's.

Tapping on the door he called out her name, but was met with no answer. Trying the door knob, he sees that it is open and cautiously steps inside.

"Lorelai?" he calls out quietly in case Rory is sleeping.

He had only been in her house a few times before this, but knew the general direction of everything and made his way into the living room where he found Lorelai fast asleep on the couch.

"Mommy?" Rory called from her bedroom down the hall.

Luke figured that Lorelai needed the rest so he went to Rory's room to find out what was up. As he appeared in the doorway, Rory looked up at him from her bed, confused at why he was there and not her mother.

"Hey Rory, how are…uh… you feeling?"

"Where's my mom?"

"Well, she's sleeping on the couch, and I think that she's probably pretty tired, so can I get you something?"

"Mom has been taking care of me this whole time I've had these stupid chicken pox, I feel bad that she's so tired." she says, allowing a small pout to form on her face.

"Yeah, well, that's what moms are for, to take care of you when you're sick. I brought you some Mashed Potatoes from the diner. I heard that you kinda liked them."

"Kinda? I love mashed potatoes, thanks Luke!" she says, lighting up the room with her smile.

"Let me go warm them up okay, and then I'll get you a fork and you can go to town on 'em." he says, turning to go back into the kitchen.

Just a bit later he returns with her mashed potatoes and hands her the bowl and a fork while she sits up in bed. "Why are you here?" she asks him.

"Well, I know that your mom usually comes in for your potatoes now, and when she didn't, I decided that I would save her the trip. I'm glad I did or you would have starved!" he says joking with Rory.

"No, I would just keep screaming until she came and got me some food. It's okay. You're really nice for helping my mom though Luke, thank you."

"No problem kid."

"Will you sit with me and watch TV? It's just black and white, but it's still okay."

"I'm sure that I can handle watching some TV with a great lady like you."

She giggles before turning the TV on and settling in for eating her mashed potatoes.

An hour later, Lorelai wakes up to hear giggling from Rory's room. After a quick glance to the clock she realizes that she slept a little too long and Rory must be starving. _Crap, good job Lorelai, make the kid starve!_

As she nears the room, she can hear her talking to someone else.

"What is your favorite TV show Luke?"

"Well, I don't really like to watch too much TV. I only watch it when I can watch baseball."

"UGH… baseball! You're such a boy. Why do boys like sports so much?"

"Some girls like sports."

"I know, and mom says that they're weird."

"Your mother is quite the character, you know that?"

"Yeah, but I love her, so that's all that matters, right?"

"Right." he says with a confident nod of the head.

She listened to this exchange from the doorway, away from their view, taking in the fact that Rory seemed so comfortable around him. _What is he doing here? He doesn't have to sit there and watch Rory for me. When did he get here?_

As she peeks in, she sees Luke leaning on Rory's bed from his chair, ready to fully listen to what she has to tell him. Rory is sitting up in bed, leaning a bit towards Luke as she stares at the screen. _As cheesy as this is… this is truly and Kodak moment._

"Hey." she says, making her presence known.

Luke and Rory turn to see her standing in the doorway. When they acknowledge her, she moves to sit on the edge of Rory's bed, feeling her forehead and asking her how she feels.

"I'm good now. Luke was watching TV with me and he brought me mashed potatoes!"

"Yeah, I can see that. And did you tell him thank you?"

"She did, a few times actually."

"Well, good then." Grabbing the bowl from Rory's nightstand she exits the room and goes into the kitchen to wash it out.

"I'm gonna go talk to your mom for a minute, okay Rory?"

"Yeah, that's cool. Thanks again Luke for the mashed potatoes and the company!"

"You got it kiddo."

He walks up next to Lorelai, leaning against the counter as she is washing out the bowl. "Did you get a good nap?"

Blushing, as if she was caught doing something that she wasn't supposed to be doing, she answers "Yeah, I did."

Feeling like he needed to explain himself before she even asked he started to tell her why he was there. "You didn't come in at your usual time to get Rory's mashed potato fix, so I figured that you got hung up and I would save you a trip. When I got here, no one answered the door, and I wanted to make sure you guys were okay, so I let myself in…I hope you don't mind" he says, looking down.

"No, Luke, that's fine, you are certainly welcome here."

"Well, I saw that you were sleeping and then Rory called for you, and I figured that you needed the sleep, so I hung out with her and gave her the mashed potatoes."

"Yeah, I saw the bonding" _If only her father could do some of that bonding with her, and then we would be golden, but I'm glad that she's going to have a man like this to look after her every now and then. "_Luke, thank you for coming over, I really appreciate it."

"It was really no problem, you're a friend and that is what you do for friends." After a few moments of silence, he motions to Rory's bedroom "I'm gonna say goodbye to Rory, and then I'm going to head out."

"That's fine. Thanks Luke."

He nods in her direction with a smile and proceeds to say his goodbyes and head back to the diner.

_This is why I'm glad that I got out of that snooty, blue blooded town, away from my parents. I come to a place like this, and no one judges me, and all they want to do is help me out. I couldn't have picked a better place for Rory to grow up._

_END FLASHY_

_I think that was the first of the many times to follow where Luke was there for me. I wonder if he was in love with me even then. To think of all the years that everyone said something to me about how in love with me Luke was, and how much I was obviously attracted to him. How much time did we waste? Could we have already been on our way to a middle with each other…maybe married…maybe a baby? Maybe I would have survived this whole April thing…and I would have had Luke for…well…for what I wanted him with me for._

She hugs herself more closely, feeling a twinge in her stomach at the memories that flew by in the last few months. Untangling the blanket, she puts a hand on her stomach, trying to calm the feeling she has, allowing herself to remember what brought her here.

_So this one was a little bit longer, cause I just kept writing. The next one is a little bit more...well... sad... I've already written it, but I'm waiting to post it so I can tweak it a little bit. I'm hoping that you like this story. I don't know how you'll like the next part, but... yeah... I think it's kind of playing on what I think is going to happen in the season finale, which I'm not to thrilled with, but hey, I fully trust ASP, so I'm going to let it go... Anyways... R/Review please!_


	3. Meant to Be

As she sits there, contemplating what is going on between her and Luke, she realizes that it really was both of them. Though she fancies herself wonderwoman, it bothers her that he so quickly accepted her offer to postpone the wedding. To her own credit though, she thought that Luke would have picked up on the change in the relationship. _Valentine's Day was such a cliché time to talk about things, but I thought that it was going to be time, and then I waited too late._

_FLASHY FLASHY_

"Miss Gilmore, would you like to step on back?" a nurse clad in a colorful set of scrubs comes out to the waiting room to pull her back into an exam room.

She stands, following the nurse back to her room. _I'm with Luke on this hospital/doctor smell thing. I hate going to the Doctor…I hate going to the Doctor…I hate going to the Doctor._

"You can take a seat and the doctor will be right with you." she says with a plastered on smile.

"yeah…let's see how long this little wait will take." she says under her breath letting her voice drip with sarcasm.

The nurse pauses at the door and takes in her comment, but keeps the smile as she walks out and closes the door behind her.

_I hate going to the Doctor…I hate going to the Doctor…at least he's got pictures up on his wall. One of those eye things that only Rory can do, where you cross your eyes or stare at something or another…yeah…never got the hang of that._

As she is foolishly attempting to look at the picture from an upside-down view, the doctor walks in. "Miss Gilmore, how are we feeling today?"

"Well, I guess that is for you to tell me."

"What seems to be the problem?"

Lifting her sleeve she shows him small red bumps that are lining her forearm. "Well, I've got these little red marks on both of my arms and my stomach and I have a feeling I know what it's from, but I've never had an issue before."

"They appear to be hives…what do you think is the culprit?"

"Well, my fiance owns a diner and my best friend is a chef and I'm a little bit surrounded by food at all times. I'm also addicted to pie, and my all time favorite pie is blackberry. It's amazing! Have you ever had blackberry pie?" she says in full storytelling mode getting more and more bubbly as she talks about the pie.

"I don't believe that I have." the doctor says nearly monotone.

"Well…" she starts again with nervous laughter. "it has been my lucky week because they both had blackberry pie. However this time whenever I ate it I broke out into these hives, which I don't understand."

"Have you ever had any food allergies before?"

"Me! I've been told that I have an iron stomach, and my daughter and I can put away food better than a three hundred pound trucker named Bubba." As the doctor looks up from his clipboard she realizes that her humor is obviously not something he's into. "So… no, I haven't ever had any food allergies."

After writing a few more things down he stands up. "We're going to take a blood sample and do a quick check to make sure you aren't just getting ready to come down with something, as people react to illnesses differently. If nothing turns up there, we'll run some allergy tests on it and get back to you. Does that sound alright?"

"Yeah, that sounds great."

"Very well then, we'll have one of the nurses come in and take some blood, and then you'll have to wait out in the waiting room for just a bit while we wait for the preliminary results." he says, while walking out the door.

Surprisingly quickly, the nurse comes to take some blood and sends Lorelai out to the waiting room again. _I've decided that I don't hate the Doctor, I hate the waiting. What are we supposed to do out here? They have magazines like Newsweek and Time…so nothing of entertainment value here, and all you can do is sit there and try not to meet the eye of anyone else who's waiting. I've never really understood that…do people think that if they look you in the eye, you're automatically going to know why they're here? Not likely friend. _She continues to contemplate this idea while waiting, coming up with a crisis story for each patient sitting in the room with her. An "illegitimate baby" here, "cut her hand while attempting to perfect her knife technique to kill her husband" there… just passing the time while doing the waiting that she disdains.

"Miss Gilmore, we're going to take you back to the same room one more time."

This time as she is being escorted in, the doctor is walking in at the same time. _Hallelujah, no waiting!_

"Have a seat Miss Gilmore."

Sitting down she gets a bad feeling in her stomach. _Why do I feel like he's getting ready to drop a bombshell on me? Prepare for the worst Lorelai, prepare for the worst._

"You don't have to worry about waiting for allergy tests, which is a good thing, but we did figure out your new allergic reaction cause. You were probably right about the blackberries, so I would stay away from those for awhile."

"If you aren't doing any allergy tests then how do you know that I'm allergic to blackberries?" she asks with a confused look on her face.

"Well, when we were looking at your bloodwork, we found the cause of the reaction, and it wasn't because you are allergic to blackberries. Your baby is. Often times…." _Baby? All words after baby aren't making any sense. Baby…baby…Why would he say baby? _"Miss Gilmore?"

"Did you say baby? I'm not pregnant!" she says in a laughingly, unconvincing confident tone.

"It appears that you are. I suspected that you weren't aware of that fact since you didn't mention anything, but you are indeed pregnant. I don't know how far along, but you should make an appointment with your OB/GYN soon to find all of that out and get started on your Prenatal vitamins."

"I'm pregnant?"

"Congratulations Miss Gilmore…I'll leave you in here for a minute to digest the news, and you can leave whenever you feel ready to."

All she can do is nod.

_How am I pregnant? I mean… I know how I'm pregnant, but I'm pregnant. This was not something that I was ready for. We didn't plan this. Luke and I aren't even married. Luke just found out about April…I can't tell him this now! How do I tell him this?_

She leaves the hospital with the intention of heading over to the Dragonfly to finish up some work. As she gets off at the exit towards Stars Hallow, she realizes that work isn't something that she can concentrate on. Thoughts of how Luke would take the news, what everyone's reaction would be, and if she can really do this whole baby thing all over again floats in circles in her mind.

_END FLASHY_

_I kept waiting for the perfect time, and then when Rory invited us to the vineyard for Valentine's day, I knew that I was going to tell him. We reconnected again, and it was absolutely amazing. I was going to tell him that night as a perfect close to a semi-perfect weekend. My plans got changed. _She laughs to herself a sad laugh. _My plans got changed in more ways than one._

_FLASHY FLASHY_

_Something doesn't feel right, and I can't place what it is. _After a weekend on the Vineyard, a week passes by and Lorelai still hasn't been able to tell Luke about baby Danes. She is two months and a bout a week along according to what her doctor told her a few weeks ago, and is feeling like she and Luke are on a downward spiral. The two of them are growing more and more distant it feels like, and she is again waking up alone since he had "early deliveries." _Something almost hurts. Oh please tell me that this baby isn't going to pull the morning sickness bit on me._

As she gets up to go to the bathroom, she grows more and more uncomfortable, sitting down to use the toilet, she looks down to see something that she didn't think she would have to see for a while. _Oh no. Why am I bleeding? It's not that much, but that's not right._

She quickly gets up and throws on some clothes. While driving to the hospital in Hartford she calls Sookie to tell her that she's not coming in today.

"_What's wrong, do you feel okay?"_

"I'm not feeling good this morning. I think that I'm going to run out and grab something for my stomach and then spend the day in bed."

"_I'll stop by later with some food for you…something light?"_

"Sookie, never in your life have you made something light, I'll be fine, don't worry about it."

"_All right, then I'll see you tomorrow hon."_

"Most definitely you will."

As the drive continues, she starts to cramp up more, feeling more and more uncomfortable.

An hour later, as she sits, fidgeting in a hospital bed alone, Lorelai Gilmore doesn't know what to do with her self. _I can't call Rory, because I haven't even told her about the baby, because I haven't told Luke about the baby. I can't call Luke because he's got too much on his plate right now. I want everything to be calm a bit before I tell him that he's going to be a dad…well…again. I want them here though. _

As she looks around her room, hand on her stomach, her gaze falls to the window. The day is clear and the sun is shining. Getting lost in the view, she jumps a bit when she hears the door open. _Finally, it took them forever!_

The doctor sits down in a small rolling chair by her bed, and the look that briefly crosses the doctor's face as she looks into Lorelai's eyes makes her understand what has happened. _Oh God, please don't tell me that this is happening._.

"Miss Gilmore, I'm sorry…you've lost the baby."

"What happened?" she says with a small quivering voice.

"We never know…It just wasn't meant to be…I'm sorry."

She can't say anything more, but sits up in bed with her hands on her stomach, caressing what isn't there anymore.

"Can I call anyone for you?"

"No, but thank you." she say with a small smile to the young doctor.

"Well have to do a few more things, and you'll have to stay here over night, but you should be able to leave tomorrow morning."

Another silent nod from her patient is the doctor's cue to leave. As the door closes, the tears start to flow down her cheeks.

_How could this happen? Why did this happen?_ All she can do is question why as the sobs continue to shake her.

Gladly she calms down by the time her cell phone rings. "Hello?"

"_Hey, where are you? Sookie said that you didn't feel well."_

"Yeah, I didn't feel very well this morning. I'm feeling better now though." she says, trying to hold back the emotion that she's feeling.

"_If you come by the diner, I'll fix you something to eat."_

"No, that's okay, I think that I'm going to go spend the night by Rory. We haven't really talked a lot in the past week after the Valentine's thing."

"_Okay, then I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"_

_No Luke, I want you here now! I want you with me…and I can't bear to tell you that I need you, and I can't bear to tell you what has happened. _"Yeah Luke, you'll see me tomorrow. And if you see Sookie, tell her that I'll probably be in late tomorrow."

"_Will do. I'll see ya."_

"Bye Luke." she says, her voice faltering just a bit at his name.

As she shuts the phone, she is dissolved into another bought of tears. _Why couldn't I just tell Luke what happened? If he finds out that I kept this from him, he'll be so angry with me._

_END FLASHY_

She wipes a tear that had fallen as she remembered what happened just a few short weeks ago. Before she lets her mind wander again, Rory comes out to sit next to her on the porch.

"Hey."

"Hey, what's up?"

"Do you have something that you want to tell me?" she says smiling back at her mother.

"No, I don't think that I do." _Well, I do, but I can't really do that right now._

"Well, let me see if I can refresh your memory of a piece of information that you haven't shared with me. You know how when I work too long on the computer I get a monstrous headache?"

"Yes?"

"So, I get into the kitchen looking for the advil that has always been kept there, but I have no luck finding it. So, I go upstairs and figure that you've got some in the medicine cabinet of your new fancy schmancy bathroom. Are you sure that there's nothing that you want to tell me."

As Lorelai listens to her daughter's ramblings she can't think of what she is hinting at. She doesn't understand…until she sees the bottle that Rory is holding in front of her. Her prenatal vitamins from this past month and a half. She glances at the bottle and then to Rory, who is smiling more than anyone could smile.

_I just thought about all of this, and now I'm supposed to relive it again and again?_

"You're pregnant!" Rory says loudly, throwing her arms around her mother.

As she pulls back to look at Lorelai, she realizes something isn't right. "No, I'm not." she says with tears in her eyes.

_I know it's sad, but I wanted to actually have more serious Lorelai stuff, because while I love her bubbly personality, she has totally changed this season especially in the last few episodes, so yeah. Tell me what you think…I'm going to pick up the next chapter where this one leaves off._


	4. He Loved Me

"Oh…Mom…I…"

Lorelai nervously shifts in her seat, wrapping her arms more tightly around her body, and not wanting to meet her daughter's eyes. She shakes her head when Rory starts to speak.

"Rory, it's okay…it just wasn't meant to be I guess," she says, playing with the edge of the blanket that surrounds her.

"When did this happen?" Rory asks after a few minutes of silence.

"A few weeks ago…explains the funk, huh?" she says with a small quirk of her lips.

"When did you find out that…"

"A while ago. I was a little over two months pregnant when…this happened."

A look of shock and then hurt crosses Rory's face. _Please don't let her be mad at me because of this. That is the last thing that I need is to be fighting with her._

"I wanted to wait to tell you until I told Luke, Rory, I wasn't trying to keep it from you. Trust me… I was absolutely ecstatic about this."

"Then why didn't you tell me after you told Luke?" she asks, still with a hurt look on her face.

_Well, I never told Luke. Isn't that just great. I waited to tell my fiancé that I was pregnant, and then God decided to toy with me a little more than what he's given me in the past few months and takes that away too. _Tears start to roll down her cheeks as she attempts to keep taking deep breaths to calm down.

"You didn't tell Luke?" she asks, after it finally dawns on her why her mother is so upset. "Mom, why? Luke would have been there. I would have been there. You didn't have to do this alone."

She puts a hand on her mother's shoulder, listening to her shaky reply.

"I couldn't tell him. He had just told me about April a few days ago, and things have been weird for us. Then we went on that stupid Valentine's trip and I was going to tell him the night we got back, but we slipped into the same rut that we were in. The rut that we _are _in. He didn't need any more on his plate, and I don't want to push him into anything. He's really str—"

"Stop!" Rory yells, finally getting fed up with her mother, "Why are you being like this? This isn't you mom, you are not like this. You're making excuses for him and you're making excuses for yourself. I'm not taking Luke's side, but have you told him at all how you feel about this whole situation? Not the baby obviously, but about April and postponing the wedding? Does he know what this is doing to you?"

_Again, this curse of the great mother/daughter bond strikes again. I was hiding it all from everyone, but it was just a matter of time before Rory picked up on what I was thinking._

"I just can't talk to him about it."

"I don't understand this…you love Luke."

Tearing up again, all she can think of was the first time she let him into her no-boys-allowed club.

_FLASHY_

"Why don't you stay tonight? Rory isn't coming home this weekend, and I have tomorrow off, and I'm pretty sure that a certain diner owner in Star's Hallow has the night off to."

"What are we going to do with a whole Sunday alone together?"

"I haven't the faintest idea," she says with a slight quirk of her lips.

"Let me run back to my place and get a change of clothes for the morning and then I'll be back, how does that sound?"

She leans into him, reveling in his warmth, placing her arms around his waist and loving the comfort that she finds in this position. _God, this man is amazing. I can't believe that we waited as long as we did to do…well…"us". Rory still laughs at the fact that she knew it all along. I know that she's never going to let me live it down._

"Sounds great to me," she whispers into his ear before giving him a quick kiss before their parting.

He leaves, getting into his truck to make the small trek back to his place before their night of fun. As soon as he is out of sight, Lorelai turns to go inside. Opening the door, she hangs her coat and proceeds into the living room to sit down until her handsome prince comes back. It is then that it hits her.

_Holy shit! He's staying the night. He's staying the night in my house, and I was the one who instigated it. I can't do this now…this is too soon. This is…Luke. _Her train of thought stops, quickly slowing down from panic mode. _That's why it was so easy to ask him…because it's him. With all the crap that he has fixed in this house, it might as well be his. But it is still Rory's. What is she going to think about this? Should I ask her about this?_

Picking her cell phone out of her purse, she hits number one on her speed dial and waits for the cheerful hello of her daughter.

"_What's up?"_

"Please tell me that you looked at the caller ID before you picked up the phone."

"_Yes, I did, Emily Post. Now what's wrong? You sound weird."_

"I want Luke to stay the night, and I wanted to make sure that this was okay with you."

"_Like in our house stay the night? You do realize that I won't be home don't you?"_

"Without giving you the gory details, that was why we chose to come back here, and then I asked him if he wanted to stay."

"_Eww…that's not what I'm talking about. The first time we ever really had a man stay at our house, in your bed, was your fiancé. As I recall, you crawled into my bed because it freaked you out."_

"I understand that, but I realized that this is Luke, and this is different. I'm not freaking out!" she wildly exclaims, getting more and more nervously excited with each word.

"_Oh sure, you're not freaking out at all. If you're worried about what I think, don't, because like you said…it's Luke. Luke has always been like family to both of us, and I certainly don't mind him being there on a regular basis. You, however, need to make sure that you're okay with this development before he stays the night."_

"You're really okay with this?"

"_Yes…Now go, I'll talk to you in the morning."_

"I love you sweets."

"_You too."_

As she shuts her phone she hears a knock at the door, presumably Luke, coming back.

_Okay Gilmore, keep yourself together. It will be okay. Remember that it's Luke, and you like Luke, and you plan on being with Luke for a very long time, like forever. _She falters in her steps towards the door. _Did I just say forever? I think that I just said that I was going to be with Luke forever. Well, I didn't really say it, but I thought it…and oh boy, if a shrink was in my head he would think I had gone schizophrenic. _

"Coming," I say, while reaching the foyer.

I open the door to an adorable Luke, and quickly usher him inside and then leave him to go into the kitchen. _I can't look him in the eye. Why can't I look him in the eye? It isn't like we've never slept together before…we have…successfully…many times. I just have never successfully done anything like that in my house before._

As she is having a conversation in her head, she is frantically wiping down the kitchen counter, suddenly having an urge to be domestic. She jumps just a bit when Luke puts his arms around her from behind.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, why would you think something is wrong?" _How does he always know what is going on in my head?_

Turning her to face him, he looks directly into her eyes, "Lorelai."

_He is going to think this is so stupid…_"I've never done this before." she admits, shyly looking to the ground, examining the floor of her kitchen.

"You haven't done what before?"

"I've never had a guy actually stay here and I've never…well…done this here before," she says while gesturing between the two of them.

Understanding what she means, he stands up straight and backs away a bit, waiting for her to look up at him again. When she finally meets his eye, he sees the look of uncertainty cross her features.

"We don't have to do this here tonight…we can wait until you want to."

_That's no the issue here, but I'm sure that he doesn't know why this is freaking me out. I don't want to wait, and that is why I'm freaking out. Yes, I'm freaking out… I will admit that to myself finally. I want him to stay. _"Luke, I want to stay, but you have to understand how big this is, and what this means for me."

"Lorelai, if you aren't re-"

"No, I am. You don't get it." She takes a large breath, pushing herself away from the counter. As she starts to pace around the kitchen, gesticulating wildly, she explains herself, "I made these rules when Rory was little about who I would date and how I would date. Boys in the house was never allowed, especially at night to stay. I told myself and Rory, that I wasn't going to let a man stay unless it was because I loved him. Max stayed one night…" at this, she sees him shrink a little bit, "but I couldn't even sleep in my bed, and had to crawl in with Rory. I was never in love with him, and that's what the issue here is. If I let you stay here tonight, if you share a bed with me, then I have to admit it to you."

"You have to admit what to me?"

_I can't do this! I have been with him for how long? This isn't long enough to be in love with him. This is ridiculous. I can't tell him this now. He needs to leave._

Busy pacing and thinking frantically, she didn't notice the realization hit him. She didn't notice his eyes begin to glint in a new way. She didn't even notice that he got up to stand next to her pacing trail.

She did however stop when he grabbed her hand and put a finger under her chin. "Lorelai, can I do something to make this easier for you?"

"I don't think you can Luke, I've never been able to pull this off,"

"I know what you are thinking right now, which I why I want to make this easier. Which is why I'm going to tell you right now that you are such an amazing person, and I am so unbelievably amazed that you and I are together. I'm also going to tell you that I love you, and don't think that I could see myself loving anyone else."

_How the hell is that supposed to make this easier? Now I'm crying and I can barely speak without sounding like an idiot. Credit it to Luke to know exactly what I was afraid to say. Come on Gilmore suck it up._

Leaning in, closing the space between them, she kisses him softly and pulls back to look him in the eye. Smiling, she leans in again, close to his ear, and whispers, "I love you too, Luke. Thank you for saying it first."

He laughs and hugs her to him. "Did it make it easier?"

"No, I was still terrified, but it was the first time that someone said it to me and I actually wanted to say it back, so I figured that it was now or never."

_END FLASHY_

She smiles at the memory, remembering what it was like to finally tell him what she was feeling, finally being able to tell someone that she loves them. _He always knows what's inside my head. Well… he knew. He always knew what I was feeling. He always knew if something was on my mind, and if something was bothering me._

As the thought process continues, the smile turns into a frown, and Rory becomes even more concerned.

"Mom?"

"What happened to us Rory?"

"What do you mean?"

"He used to know everything. He could read my thoughts. He always figured out what was wrong and broke his back trying to fix it. He loved me."

"Loves."

She scoffs, looking at Rory, "Fat chance. If Luke loves me then he would have realized two weeks ago that I didn't have the stomach flu, I was in the hospital losing his child…well… one of his children. If Luke loves me, then I wouldn't have had to go through all of this by myself. I wouldn't have to be questioning our entire relationship. I wouldn't be sitting here trying to figure out if I should give him the ring back or not."

Tears are streaming down her face, as Rory gathers her up, hugging her as close as possible.

Lost in her daughter's comforting embrace, she doesn't notice the object of her distress walking up to the house.

"Lorelai?"


	5. The Only One

"Luke?" she says, sitting up quickly and wiping the tears from her eyes.

Rory looks from her mother to Luke, not knowing what to do in this situation, and not wanting to leave her mom's side yet.

_Oh God, why did he have to be here, especially after this little breakdown. Why is he here? He's never here anymore._

When he sees her wiping tears from her eyes he runs up the stairs and kneels down next to where she is sitting, grabbing her hand in his.

"What's wrong? Are you okay? What happened?" he starts to get more and more frantic, completely unaware of it being all about him.

She can't even look him in the eye, not because she's mad at him, but because she just doesn't feel like she can face him anymore. _I don't want to tell him about this. I don't want to talk to him about us. _She looks to Rory, who is still looking at her with concern.

"Rory, why don't you go inside while I talk to Luke."

"Why don't I just go back to school for the weekend, I can come visit next weekend, and we can have…"

"No…I want you here…please" she says with tears welling in her eyes, knowing that what is about to happen is going to change lives for good or bad, who knows?

"Okay, just…come get me if you need me, okay?"

Luke and Lorelai watch her walk into the house, seeing her give a cautious glance back at the pair before stepping inside.

Now, grabbing her other hand in a similar manner, he tries to catch her eyes with no success. He waits patiently as she works through things in his head.

_FLASHY_

"are you…uh…scared?"

She looks down with a grin and back up to him, letting her smile get wider. _I never thought that I would let myself fully admit that I have loved Luke for a long time. I have loved him forever, not been in love with him, which is a big difference. I never listened to them about how he only flirted with me or how he was always jealous, maybe because I would then have to think about him, which would then lead to thinking about him and me, which always ended in a mess. As I'm sitting here though, I'm watching him, and his nervous but familiar movements and I realize that I'm totally okay with thinking about it now…about him and me…if he's all in, then I'm all in._

"No, not scared."

"So…"

"Luke, how long?" _Do I really want him to answer this question?_

"I don't know. I don't know when loving you became being in love with you."

_Yet again he surprises me with the way that he can be in my head, or maybe we're just so perfect for each other like everyone says we are._

"Lorelai, after you walked into the diner for the first time, and I absolutely hated you for annoying me, I'm not going to lie and say that I kept thinking about you all day, distracted and googly eyed. However, I kept the horoscope because it was quirky…something someone never did, and you said it would bring me good luck, so I saved it. The next time I cleaned out my wallet, I found the little piece of paper buried there and realized how much I liked you coming in the diner, and how you lit the place up when you did, so again, I kept it. I think that a few years ago, I was searching for something and I came across it again, and I couldn't bring myself to throw it away. I kept asking myself why, and then it hit me that you were a hell of a lot more to me than a customer…you were my friend…probably my best friend, and I had loved you and Rory and your craziness for a long time."

With tears in her eyes, she scoots over to sit next to him.

"What are you doing?"

Smiling back at him, she replies "Will you just sit still?" and kisses him softly.

"Well well well you two! You know this is a family restaurant!" Masie says as the two separate and she places their meals in front of them.

"Your little Lucas is just too darn cute to resist, that I couldn't help myself." Lorelai says, laughing that they got caught and that Luke has turned about fifteen shades of red.

"Enjoy your meal now kids, and we'll be back later with some dessert for you."

"Thank you Masie", Lorelai adds as she's walking away from the table.

Not wanting to move farther away from him, she grabs his hand under the table and uses her other hand to spoon a forkful of food into her mouth. _I could get used to this. I could really get used to this…for a really long time._

_END FLASHY_

"Hey, can you tell me what's wrong?" he whispers softly while squeezing her hands.

"It's us…that's what is wrong, Luke" she says back, equally as soft.

As he looks at her, not understanding what is going on she pulls her hands from his and hugs her knees close to her body.

"I have been so off and so not right for a while now and you didn't even notice."

"Well, we've both been busy the past month or so—"

"You've been busy…I've been waiting for you to notice that our relationship isn't what it used to be."

"Lorelai, it is just as strong as it used to be… I am so in love with you, and I care so much about you, and I want to marry you."

"Luke, you used to be able to read me so well. You knew when something was wrong, you knew when I lied to you. You were in my head, and I loved it, because no one has ever been able to do that with me. I knew that you were it for me, but you haven't been on top of your game for a while now."

"I'm still the same Luke, and I guess that I haven't paid as close attention, but I would know if something was really wrong."

_Oh, you'd really know, huh? I really don't want to have this conversation with him. I don't want to talk about this. Why is he not getting this?_

"Luke, two weeks ago, do you remember what happened?"

He pauses, to think back for a minute, and then quickly jumps in to show her that he had been paying attention, "You were sick."

"I wasn't sick Luke."

"Then…"

"I was pregnant." she says quietly, waiting for his reaction.

With this announcement a small smile forms on his face. At his smile, she starts to shake her head as tears threaten to overflow onto her already damp cheeks. _I didn't need this kind of reaction. I don't need you to tell me that you wanted this, because that will only make this harder for me._

"Lorelai, I know that this isn't how we planned things, but I think that you being pregnant is a good thing…I'm not upse-"

"Was…Luke… I _was_ pregnant. That night I called you, I was sitting in a hospital bed in Hartford after losing the baby. I was two months pregnant and I was going to tell you on Valentine's, but things were still weird with us, and I waited, and I waited, and then one morning, I found out that I didn't have to wait anymore cause there was nothing to tell," she finishes, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

He stares at her showing no emotion, with his mouth open in surprise. _What is he thinking right now? I never expected him to be excited about me being pregnant…God I wish this could have been different. _As she is thinking he stands up abruptly, pacing in front of her. After a few minutes he stops, leaning against the railing, facing away from her. She hears a few shaky inhales and watches as he raises a hand to his face and brings it back down, noticing the light from the moon reflect across the moisture there. _I have never seen Luke cry. I didn't think that he would even be phased by this…at least not to the point where he would cry. Why does this all have to be so hard?_

"Luke…it just wasn't meant to be."

"Yeah, I know" he says, turning towards her with a nervous laugh. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't want to put all that on you. I found out I was pregnant right when I found out that you found April, and I knew that you couldn't handle this in the mix of things."

"But, Lorelai, this was a baby!"

"Yeah, and it was a wedding, and it was moving in too Luke…"

_I wasn't supposed to say that. I was supposed to keep all that to myself. I don't want him to know how much all of this has hurt me, and there I go hurting him right back._

A chord is struck with him as she mentions this, leaving him to realize that she's right, they have been distant. "You're right."

They sit in silence, and he watches as she twists the engagement ring on her finger, noticing how easily it could slide off and be forgotten. He stands up quickly, walking down the steps and towards the diner, away from her. She waits in silence for him to turn back and run to her, even though she knows that he isn't coming back anytime soon. _Why do we do this with each other? We let it stay covered up until the last possible moment, and then it all comes out and we're both left by ourselves and miserable. I know that I love him though, because if I didn't, then I would be so angry with him right now, and I'm not. I know that he can't take much stuff like this on his plate. With that in mind, I also know that it's not in the cards for me and Luke to get married anytime soon._

Standing up, she walks into the house quietly, slipping up into her bedroom. _This was supposed to be our bedroom. _Walking up to the corner dresser, she opens the top drawer, retrieving something she never thought she would need again, and does what she knows she has to do. She takes off the ring on her left hand, letting a few tears escape, and calming herself with shaky breathes. _I love him too much to keep this on his shoulders. If we are meant to be then we are meant to be._

As she walks down the stairs and out the door, she fails to notice Rory sitting in the spot that she occupied just a few minutes ago.

"Where are you going?"

Turning, she walks back up to where her daughter is sitting. "To Luke's."

"Did you guys work everything out?" she asks, knowing by the look in her mother's face that they didn't.

"We'll be okay, don't worry about it."

Rory's eyes catch a glimpse of the small velvet box grasped in her mother's hand, noticing the white knuckles as she holds on so tightly to something that she has wanted for so long. It is only then that she notices that Lorelai's left hand is bare. _Please don't talk me out of this kid. I can't handle that._

"Mom, do you love Luke?"

With tears streaming down her cheeks, she nods her head.

"He's the only one isn't he?"

"Second only to you." _He really was the only other person that I ever told that I really loved them…I looked him straight in the eye on a regular basis and said 'I love you'. And now…look where it's gotten me._

"I know not right now, but someday… will you tell me why?" she asks her mother, not understanding why she would call of the engagement.

With another nod of her head, she turns towards Luke's, with determination in her step. _I have to do this now or I'll never be able to do it._

As she gets closer, she sees that the diner is dark. Reaching up for the spare key, she lets herself in, places the ring on the counter, and walks away.

Luke, hearing the bells downstairs, knows that it is her. Running down the stairs to talk with her, he stops short when he realizes that nobody is in the diner. As he steps up to the counter, his heart jumps into his throat when he spots the reason for her visit.

"How did I screw this up?" he says to himself in a hushed tone.

_Okay, ya'll I understand that I didn't do this in the fashion of any spoilerness, but I've got an idea as to where I want this to go, and I don't know how to get there yet. Rest assured that I'll get it done though…It will definitely happen. Anyways… thanks for reading, thanks in advance for reviewing, and yeah...that's about all I have to say about that. (Anyone catch that reference!)_


	6. I Don't Understand

As she walked back from the diner, her mind was racing. _We aren't going to survive this? I'm not going to survive this. Why did I have to actually love him? If I didn't love him then this would have been so much easier…well…not really…I don't even know what to do with myself next. Is he going to want to talk to me? Do I want to try if he wants to try? _

_FLASHY_

She closed the door after getting over the initial shock of him being here. The shock of him being here, kissing her again. _God, I love him. I love him. He didn't even have to say anything to me, and that was totally fine…I missed this so much._

"I missed you. I've never really missed somebody before." he says, finally breaking for air.

"Well, I hear that you haven't had much company aside from Kirk since you have decided to char everything that you cook."

"That and the fact that anybody that comes into the diner usually has some sort of annoying habit that makes me kick them out."

"You haven't kicked me out once."

"Yeah, well I _love_ you."

She leans in to kiss him, meeting his lips with hers softly, not as demanding as their first exchange. Breathless at the meaning behind the delicate caress she leans her forehead against his. _Finally…why do I feel like this every time I'm with him. All I can think is…finally. Finally someone that I could see myself being with the rest of my life._

"Luke…?"

"I know, we need to talk…."

She pulls him by the arm to sit on the couch in her living room. Once there, not wanting to break contact after being apart for this time, she puts her hand in his, a question in her eyes.

"What made you come?"

"Please don't freak out, but your mom came by the diner tonight…I was going to come and talk to you anyways, but she just made me realize that I wanted to do it as soon as possible."

Annoyed, but not completely angry, she asks, "What did she say to you?"

"That she couldn't control it, but you chose me."

"Well, I'm glad that she finally got that through her head."

"Did you?"

"What?"

"Choose me?"

"Luke, it wasn't me…it was some strange fate that brought me to you. Ever since we got together, there has been no need to choose. I've just known that you were it." _Let's see if that little confession makes him run or not._

"Lorelai, I love you, you know that don't you?"

"Yes, I do…"

"I'm sorry for everything that happened…I should have let you explain, and I should have known that your mother was behind this whole Christopher thing from the start."

"I don't think that you have fully experienced the complete and utter terror of Emily Gilmore yet, Luke"

"Well, I'm sure that in our many years I will finally get to see the entire wrath."

"Our many years?"

"Yes, our many years…"

_I hope he means what I think that he means with that, because I really don't feel like going anywhere from this point on. I don't want to leave his side for anything. If we can get through something like Emily and Christopher, we can get through anything._

_END FLASHY_

_Wasn't I naïve? We could get through anything, yeah, until someone found out that they had a twelve year old daughter and didn't want their future wife to have any part of it._

She continued walking, hugging herself in the cooler spring night. Subconsciously, she was walking slowly, waiting for Luke to follow her, and come running out of the diner screaming that he loved her and wanted to marry her first thing tomorrow morning, no matter what. It seemed to take her so much longer to get back home.

When she reaches the front porch, Rory is still sitting on the porch, awaiting her mother's arrival.

"Will you sit with me for a minute?"

"Rory…I really just want-" _I have a headache and I want to go to bed._

"I know, I just…I was thinking…and I don't want to wait. I don't understand this…I mean, I do, but I don't get why it has to come down to you breaking it off completely."

Plopping herself down in frustration, she turns and faces her daughter with a huff, "Rory, I don't need you to understand this, because it's not you. It isn't your life."

"Dammit Mom!" she nearly screams, standing up and pacing.

Shocked by her outburst, she replies in a voice louder than necessary, "Rory!"

"No…I have always somehow understood all of your stupid little breakups over the years, and your inability to commit. I understood why you left Max, even if I didn't get it at the time, but this isn't about that anymore. I just don't get it! I know that you're hurt, and I know that Luke has been less than perfect lately, but he loves you, and you love him." she pauses, taking a few breathes. "I'm not saying that this is enough, but you have NEVER said that to a man before! EVER! This is LUKE, Mom, and the minute he starts to make you feel uncomfortable, you start making excuses, and turn into someone that I don't even know. And now, you're running away from it? If it was you, you would have at least been at the diner right now screaming at him. The things that you care about you don't take the easy way out of, and you LOVE Luke. I don't understand this."

"You don't have to understand it Rory!" she yells back.

"Do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Do you understand why you did what you just did?"

This causes her to falter. She looks up at her daughter, not believing that they were having this fight. _This is the easy way out of this. Luke won't have to deal with it anymore. I…she's right. When have I ever taken the easy way out?_

Finally, her head sinks down, and her shoulders begin to shake. Sobs envelop her body, and for a few moments, all she can bear to do is cry.

After a few minutes, sitting down opposite her daughter, she looks up for a moment to allow a strangled "No…but I had to do it."

"If it doesn't make sense to you, then don't you think it's a mistake? You need to at least talk to him about it, like really talk to him about it."

"Rory, I can't face him right now. Not after what I told him, and not after giving that ring back."

"You know as well as I do, that Luke is in his apartment right now, trying to figure out why you gave him that ring back, he is as confused as you are, so you need to talk to him. You never do things easy mom, and I love you for it. So… make this hard."

As she sits there, wiping the tears from her cheeks, she realizes that Rory is right. She has always confronted people about things, she has surpassed the odds and chosen the path less traveled. _I have to do this. I have to talk to him. If I really love him that much, then I would talk to him about this, I wouldn't just give him the ring back and ditch him. Not Luke…he's…Luke._

Without another word, she stands up, ready to face him. _What if he doesn't want me back. What if I can't do this? _

"He loves you. He will always love you and need you."

_No, I shouldn't do this right now…I can't do this right now._

"Tomorrow, Rory. I need to think about this, and if Luke loves me this much, then he'll be there waiting."

She walks back into the house leaving Rory behind on the porch.

Walking up to her bedroom again, she stops at the doorway, looking around at what they did to the house. _He knew that I wanted to be here. He wanted to be here too. He wanted this, so why did he forget about it?_

Exhausted, she lays down in bed, falling asleep almost instantly, not knowing that a certain flannel clad diner owner had made his way to the house, and was now talking to her daughter downstairs.

A few hours later she wakes to voices below her window, which was cracked because of the warming spring air. _Who is that? Rory? Who is she talking to?_ After looking at the time, she gets up, trying to hear what is going on. She puts an ear to the open window to listen to the conversation on her porch.

"Luke, it isn't hopeless…you two are so in love with each other that I think it is worse than when you weren't together!" Rory says with a quick laugh in his direction.

"What do you mean?"

"When you guys weren't together, like a long time before you weren't together we saw how you were with each other. Sookie and I were constantly telling mom that she needed to open her eyes and realize that you were right there. And now… you're both too blind to realize that you love each other so much that you won't be able to be without each other…it's stupid."

Lorelai hears Luke let out a small laugh at Rory's comment.

"What?"

"What you said, I got that a lot too…"

_What? _"What?"

"Jess…Rachel…Liz…you name the person and you've got somebody that told me that I was helplessly in love with your mother before we were together."

_How did I not know this? Rachel? I could see Jess and Liz saying something to him, but his girlfriend?_

"Well, I'm glad that you had someone telling you that all along… I just don't know why it still took you guys so long."

"Your mother and I are two very stubborn people Rory, and we have both had an interesting track record with our relationships. It was easier to watch her from afar because then it wasn't really getting my heart involved and I could be there for her whenever she needed it."

"And now?"

"Now…I don't know."

"Do you love her, Luke?" _Please say yes._

"How could I not love her, it's….Lorelai."

"Then why…"

"I don't know what happened. She was so upset about the two of you and what was going on that we didn't set a wedding date. Then out of nowhere I find out that I have April, and you and your mom finally come to your senses about each other. I couldn't spring that on her. I put it off too long."

"Yeah, you probably did, but what about after that Luke, what happened after that? She knew and she wanted to be supportive. I don't get why you wouldn't let her!"

"Rory, your mother is an amazing woman, but I know that she would have freaked out if all the sudden she found out that she was going to have to play stepmom to another kid after finally getting you out of the house."

"Regardless of that, she would have been playing mom soon enough anyways." she says quietly, not really knowing what Luke's reaction to her mother's news was.

"I wish I would have known…"

"Yeah, so do I, but mom has to do things in her own time, you know that."

There was a few minutes of complete silence as they both contemplated the situation.

_Why is it so quiet? What's happening?_

"Rory, I wanted it so bad…your mom probably doesn't think so because of my previous rantings on children, but I wanted it. Until April came along, I knew that your mom was the one that I wanted to be the mother of any child that I was going to have."

_Why did I wait to tell him? If I would have told him, maybe things would have been different. In the very least he could have helped me get through what was happening._

"Luke, my mom has always talked about getting her middle…her perfect picture. I'm positive that you are the one that is supposed to give that to her. I'm glad that you're the one who is going to give that to her."

"Well…"

"Luke, you just have to give it time. You'll get to be her middle, I'm sure of it."

"Yeah…Should I…?" he says, and then Lorelai imagines that he is gesturing in the general direction of the house, and waits for Rory's response as to what he should be doing.

"No…not yet. She'll come to you eventually."

"Yeah, well, I worry about eventually. That's what got me in trouble this time."

"Luke, go home and sleep. It will be okay."

He doesn't say anything else, but she hears his footsteps on the porch as he starts to walk back to the diner. She watches him walk away, allowing her memories to get the best of her, and doesn't notice that Rory has taken up residence at her door frame.

_FLASHY_

_Did he just ask me out? I said that I would go to the movies with Luke on Sunday…as a date? Am I dating Luke? Do I want to be dating Luke?_

After standing with her mouth opened in surprise for a good thirty seconds, she calms herself down my sitting on the porch steps. Her eyes drift to where he is walking away from her house.

_He can waltz. Luke can waltz. That was awesome, and while it was weird for a few seconds at the beginning because of the fact that I thought he didn't know how to dance, it ended up being so…so…right._

Watching him walk away gives her the chance to replay the wedding in her head. She thinks of the way his hand grasped hers, the feel of his firm shoulder beneath her hand, how she could smile and laugh at him with ease, and how right it really did feel.

_He walked me home and he asked me to a movie…could I…_

Her thoughts are interrupted when she notices that he has turned in his walk back to glance back at her house. He smiles and waves in her general direction, as she sits and wonders if she could really date him.

_Luke…he can waltz…he loves my daughter…he probably loves me…he's Luke…and I think that I'm dating him. And I think that I'm totally okay with that._

With this, she smiles and walks in the house, immediately venturing up to her room to change. She takes the wreath out of her hair and throws it onto her dresser, assuring herself that she'll find a place for it in the morning. As she sits down on the bed to take off her shoes, she notices the sure beginning of a blister on her foot.

She smiles. _Well worth it._

_END FLASHY_

_The last time I watched him walk away from this house was so much more simple. It was the beginning of our relationship, and I had no clue as to what was going to happen. Now look at me…_

"Mom?"

"I see you had a visitor." she says, turning towards her daughter.

"He wanted to talk to you, but I told him that you needed time and he needed time."

"Yeah, I heard."

Her eyes open a bit wider realizing that Lorelai had heard it all. "It's okay Rory, you can talk to Luke all you want. I can't…" she pauses, trying to formulate ideas in her head. "I just can't believe how right you guys were all those years. To know that he was dealing with the same thing. And…the stuff about a family…I didn't really think about Luke in the situation, I just automatically thought that it was my issue and not our issue. I didn't tell him because I thought that it would save him some freak out and some hardship. I did a real good job, cause I ended up hurting him anyways."

"Mom, I'm not the one that needs to hear all of this, am I?"

Lorelai stands up from where she was watching him walk away. Walking over to Rory, she waits silently for a sign that tells her to go talk to him. As she looks into the eyes of her daughter, Rory pulls something out from behind her back. A small velvet box.

Before Lorelai can ask, Rory interjects, "You obviously didn't hear the whole conversation. He said that you are the only person that should have it and he's not going to let you give it back to him."

_That's the sign that I need. I have to see him now. I want this to be fixed…I hope that this can be fixed._

She grabs the box from Rory and quickly walks down the stairs. Rory watches as her mother almost jogs to Luke's, smiling because she knows that it will all work out.

_Yet another chapter done. I hope that you like the next one, cause I think that is going to be good… I know that I've been making all this kinda sad… but I thought that it would be good. Seeing as I'm in a really bad mood since the finale, I might let my frustration out in my fics, so I apologize in advance. Anyone else upset? Anyways… thank you for reading!_


	7. Telling Him

As she reaches the front door to the diner, she sees Luke sitting at the counter, no doubt contemplating his conversation with Rory. _It's now or never Lorelai, you need to go in there…you love him._ She pauses as her hand reaches out for the door. _Here goes._

He looks up and meets her eyes with a questioning look.

"Hey."

"Hi, I saw you leaving my place and…I needed to come talk to you."

They sit awkwardly, almost as if they had never had a successful conversation in their entire lives. It's Luke who finally breaks the silence, "I lost you… I screwed up. I want you back, Lorelai."

"You have always had me, Luke. Even without a ring on my finger, you have always had me," she says flashing the velvet box in his direction with the mention of the ring.

"No, I mean, I want _you_ back."

_He has noticed._

"After you left, I sat there, letting myself be pitiful, thinking about what could have been, and then I realized that this was a lot my fault, and I needed to be the one to fix it. I can't believe that I didn't notice everything that was going on with you and with us. You were right, I've been completely out of it because of this whole April thing."

"Luke, it's okay, you were stressing, and you were thinking about other-"

"No! Lorelai, You NEVER let anyone get away with crap, including me, so don't start now. I screwed up, and I know it."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yes."

"Will you be honest with me, and not get mad?"

"Always."

"Why didn't you want me to meet April? Why couldn't you tell me about it?"

"When you found out, I told you that I freaked out and then realized that you just got Rory back, so you didn't want to have to deal with all that extra baggage."

"I didn't?" she says with an amused grin on her face.

"Well, I thought that you didn't. It just became easier to not tell you about it, and then you found out. As for meeting her…I didn't think that you wanted to meet her, and I didn't know how she would react to it either. I mean I told her about you and she didn't really say anything about it, so I kept quiet about it and then just thought that you were okay with it."

"Yeah…well…"

"I know." he says, grabbing her hand in his, and letting his eyes lower to the ground.

_He's completely beating himself up over this. He's not the only one who screwed up._

"Luke, you can't be this upset with yourself… yeah, you might have messed up, but you couldn't have known cause I wasn't talking to you about it. It's partly my fault because I wouldn't even step on the idea."

"I should have automatically involved you though. We can't have these huge blowouts because of our lack of communication. Why can't we just talk to each other!"

"Because we love each other."

He turns away from her, dropping her hand as he starts to pace. "Yeah, that's how love is supposed to work."

_Well, I think it is, but hey, you're the first person aside from my daughter, who I'm partial to since she was inside me for nine freaking months, that I have loved. They say that love is work. Maybe it's true._

"We were both so concerned that our news was going to upset the other person, so we didn't want to hurt them by talking to them about it."

"It wouldn't have hurt me to know you were pregnant, Lorelai."

"I know, and I planned on telling you Luke…I had it all planned out, but…it…"

_FLASHY_

_I can't believe that I'm doing this. Not twenty minutes ago, I was sitting in my doctor's office having a massive freak attack, and now I'm standing in front of a store filled with pink, blue, duckies, teddy bears, and strollers._

She walks into the store, allowing herself to drift over towards the boys section. Showing her enthusiasm for the possibility of getting a little boy this time. _Luke would be thrilled if we had a boy. Well…I don't know if Luke will be thrilled period, but if it was a boy, I think he might show some excitement. Oh, Flannel!_

She drifts over to a little rack of plaid shirts, picking one up. With this in her hand, she quickly finds herself in search of baby baseball caps. _I know how to tell Luke about the baby. I could have the outfit there and see what he thinks of it…he'll hate it, but it'll be a conversation piece. Oh, hats!_

Finally settling on a red baseball hat, she takes her purchases up to the front registers, with a smile on her face.

"Are you the mommy to be?" the cashier asks in response to the glowing smile now plastered on Lorelai's face.

"I guess so, I just found out today."

"Well, let me be one of the first to say congratulations!"

"Thank you very much."

"So…" holding up the plaid shirt and baseball cap after ringing them up, "you're shopping early?"

"Well, it's part of my plan to tell my fiancé, cause I'm thinking that he's smart enough to see the clothes and catch on, so that I won't have to actually formulate the words."

"Worried that he's gonna freak and run?"

_Well…not until you mentioned it. Wait, no, Luke would never do that. He would always be that amazing guy that sticks through the worst of things._

"Actually, no…not at all…"

"That's nice."

"Yeah."

She hands the girl payment for her small items and picks up the bag, heading towards the door. _So, when do I tell Luke about his little offspring down there? _She thinks while she walks through the mall with a hand on her stomach and a baby clothing bag hanging on her arm.

_END FLASHY_

_Funny…that was about two days before I found out about April._

"Lorelai?"

"huh?" she asks, snapping out of her stroll down memory lane. "Oh, I just wanted it all to be perfect and I had just found out about April, so things were a bit tense with the two of us. I didn't want to come out and say it then."

"I wish that…"

She interrupts him by standing up and pulling on his arm to lead him upstairs.

"Lorelai?"

Still dragging him up the stairs, she stops when she reaches the front door. "How many times have you been in this apartment since our engagement?"

"Well…in the last month or so, a lot more, but not really that much, why?"

She moves away from him, going into the "second bedroom" as he referred to it, because it had a second bed for Jess or whoever needed it. When she comes back, she has a small bag in her hand, and hands it to him.

"What is this?"

"Even though it's too late, this is me telling you." _I only wish that this could be a happy moment for the two of us._

"What is it though?"

"Open it Luke, please?" she asks him, nearly pleading with him to open the bag.

As he slowly opens up the bag, she sees his eyes soften at what he encounters there, but she looks quickly down so their eyes won't meet.

"I was going to make it a bit more special than that, but I was essentially going to do this…give you the clothes and have you figure it all out on your own."

He picks the shirt out of the bag, allowing the bag and cap to fall to the floor without a thought. He's examining the shirt when he hears her sniffle. Looking up, he sees the tears falling from her eyes.

"Knowing me I probably wouldn't have gotten it, but I would have loved this." he says, carefully, knowing that she was already upset.

_God, I wanted this so badly. I wanted him, I wanted a family, I wanted the whole stupid thing, and now look at us._

"Yeah…well…" she says, hugging her stomach.

He senses what is going through her head and calls her to him, with his arms outstretched. She instantly lays her head on his shoulder and sobs.

"I'm sorry Luke, I'm so sorry for not telling you."

"You have nothing to be sorry about…I just…I wish that I could have been there."

"That morning when I drove to the hospital, I was so scared. Then, when they finally told me that I lost the baby, I was so upset, but I couldn't even cry, because I let myself think that I didn't want it and that you didn't want it. And now…I just…I wanted it, and I wanted you there with me…"

"It's okay…you're okay now."

Straightening up, and pulling away from his embrace, she quickly wipes at her tears. "Well, what about us? Are we okay?" she asks.

"We're going to be okay."

"Luke…"

"Lorelai, I want to marry you. I want to marry you, and I hope to God that you are going to say that you want the same thing. I know that I love you, and I know that this can work out."

_Is this still what I really want?_

_So... yeah, that's that one. It's a short one. I'm hoping that you're enjoying this fic. I might try to work on updating my other ones to. I hate it when people wait forever to update fics, and then I realized one day that I was one of those people that I hate... so I apologize for any of you that are reading all of my stuff. Let me know what you're thinking!_


	8. I Will Love You

She turns away from him then, allowing herself to take a deep breath, knowing in her heart what she does want. _I want him…I've always wanted him. I've always wanted this whole package, but I can't stand the thought of losing him once I've got him for good._

"Luke, I'm scared…"

"Lorelai…"

"I knew after the first night that I had you…I would have you forever, and then we split up over my own stupidity at not being honest with you. Then, I had you again, and I knew that I didn't want to let you go, and I could never let myself not love you, and you were never going to fall out of love with me. I was letting myself get closer and closer to giving myself up completely to you, something that I have never done before. Then this whole April thing happened, and you were pulling farther and farther away from me. I denied it though, saying that everything was okay, and I made excuses for you and for me." She pauses, allowing herself to catch breath and wipe the falling tears from her cheeks. "And then I found out that I was pregnant, and it let me deny it all the more, because I had you inside me, and you had officially become a part of me…not just because of the baby. That has never happened for me Luke. Then, while I sat there in the hospital after they said I lost it, all I could think of was that you can lose part of yourself, and I was so empty, and I realized finally that I really was losing you."

"There is a reason why we got back together after Chris, there is a reason why we got together in the first place…even if you were to 'lose' me, or run from me…I would always be yours."

"I know, but I can't take losing you, Luke…I could barely survive it back then…I certainly can't survive it now." She turns, looking as if she was going to leave.

"Wait…I need you to…just…wait."

Turning back to look at him, she sees his relief at her staying. "Luke…"

"You got to show me your plan, now I get to show you mine." He says, grabbing his boombox, and what looks like a burned CD. Putting it in, and then standing up, he tells her his "plan." "I'm not a very sentimental guy, and you know this, but you've always said that I had a rare soft side, which I'll admit is true, especially where you or Rory are concerned. A few weeks ago, I was in the apartment and I had the TV on as background noise while I cleaned up the kitchen. I wasn't paying any attention to what was on, and then I heard a song, and I stopped what I was doing just to listen to it…it reminded me of you and us…and I had to watch the end of the movie, which I hated because it was a girly movie…but I did it so I could find the song, and then I had April find it for me and burn it to a CD. This was going to be our song…my gift to you…for our wedding dance…our first dance together, because I know how much music means to you and how each song has some significance to you. I know it's corny, but it really is us…and it's the only way that I can think to get you to understand what I'm thinking"

"Luke, I don't want to…"

"No, you got to tell me about the baby, I get to have my wedding dance…" he says, pushing play.

I don't want to listen to a song, I don't want to be convinced to stay. I don't want to get hurt again…I don't want to hurt Luke…

Till my body is dust 

**Till my soul is no more**

**I will love you… love you…**

He stands up after he sees her turn away, taking in what he is playing for her. Walking up to her, he puts his hand on her shoulder as a touch to remind her that he is there.

**Till the sun starts to cry**

**And the moon turns to rust**

I will love you… love you… 

**But I need to know**

**Will you stay for all time?**

**Forever and a day…**

**Then I'll give my heart**

**Till the end of all time…**

**Forever and a day…**

"Do you remember our first dance?" he asks, stepping in front of her.

"We waltzed…at Liz's wedding…"

Nodding, with a smile on his face, he puts an arm around her waist, taking her right hand in his. The couple begins to sway back and forth to the music.

Luke can waltz… 

**And I need to know**

**Will you stay for all time?**

**Forever and a day…**

**Then I'll give my heart**

**Till the end of all time…**

**Forever and a day…**

**Till the storms fill my eyes**

**And we touch the last time**

**I will love you… love you…**

**I will love you … love you…**

**I will love you… love you…**

By the end, her head has found a place on his chest, and the hand that was around her waist is now buried in her hair. Her tears have slowed, and his close proximity has calmed her as it always has.

"I'm sorry…"

"You have nothing to be sorry about…"

"Yes I do, I didn't tell you what I was thinking, I lost the baby, I ran from you…"

"Lorelai, you're right here, and so am I… we haven't lost anything…and the baby…it just wasn't meant to be. I'm sorry that I didn't think of you…I'm sorry that I caused you to doubt us."

She looks up at him then, and in his eyes, she sees it again…

FLASHY 

"Because you can talk anybody into anything…" Luke continues ranting after finding out that Rory was dropping out of Yale.

Lorelai allows her thoughts to travel elsewhere as she takes in his ranting state, so laced with concern and love for her daughter that she never knew it could come from someone other than her.

I love him…he is the only one that would react this way… he cares so much about Rory that… he's always cared for her…he's always cared about me… he always will. That's why I want to spend the rest of my life with him…

Luke doesn't notice her expression change from that of watching his rant with amusement to utter confusion and realization.

I want to spend the rest of my life with Luke… he's the one…he's Luke…he wants to kidnap Rory and take her to Yale to make sure she goes to classes… he loves me… I love him… I want to marry Luke… I want him with me forever…I love him…

She looks up with a indescribable look on her face, one that even Luke can't place.

"What?"

Her lip quivers just a bit before she jumps into the biggest thing that she's ever done. "Luke, will you marry me?"

"What?"

"Luke, will you…"

"yes…"

Certainty…love…adoration…and certainty… that's all that I see… 

_END FLASHY_

_He knows this is it…I know it too…_

She leans up to kiss him chastely on the lips, pulling back after lingering for just a few seconds.

"I've never doubted us…I've just been scared of us…"

"But it's us…even when we weren't together, we were Luke and Lorelai the big question mark. I think that this has been a long time in the making."

"Yeah?"

"I'm sure of it."

"I do want it…but we have a lot of talking to do…"

"We do…I know that…"

"Do you really though, because…"

"I do, Lorelai…"

He walks past her to pick up the small velvet box that she put on the table, pausing to open it, and then taking it out, he looks in her direction, silently asking her what to do.

After a barely-there nod, he walks to her and takes her hands in his. "Lorelai, will you marry me?"

"Yes" she answers with a watery smile, allowing herself to break down as he slides the ring on her finger.

I'm done…I'm done thinking this through… this is Luke, and I love him…No more processing, because the things I've always known to be true have never been shaken…he loves me and we will always be there for each other…I just had to realize it…

_THE END_

_Okay y'all, I'm done with this one, but I'm thinking that I might do a second small series that kind of continues this. Let me know if you are at all interested in me doing that, cause I'd love it! I know that the song part was kind of corny, but I think that this song, which is by Fisher, by the way, is a beautiful one, and sums up what I'm thinking about this next year. Even if something happens and Luke and Lorelai are done, they will still always love each other and be there for each other. And that is that. R/R please!_


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